(Satire Alert!) — According to public opinion polls, convicted felon and GOP nominee for President of the United States Donald Trump today further tightened the presidential race after decapitating a baby on “live” TV. The event, hosted by FOX News, and covered by other right-wing media outlets including NewsMax and OAN, apparently had a somewhat measurable effect on undecided likely voters in the upcoming election, further tightening the race and adding “oomph” to Trump’s appeal to his base, while not adding any actual MAGA members.